I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
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I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
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N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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