Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Damn victory sex feels great
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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