Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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