Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
