I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize