The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
