I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
