Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
