My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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