I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
