I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
