dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
