We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
