she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
