So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
