So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
