you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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