I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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