It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
