I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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