It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
