Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
