I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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