So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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