Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
