i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
