So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
