Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
