you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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