meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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