At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
