saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
