Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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