I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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