i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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