walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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