The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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