i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
