I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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