I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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