Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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