I think I won the penis lottery.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
