happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
