Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
