She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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