Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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