9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
try to milk me bitch
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