I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
