dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need to stop coming to work sober
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
