Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
