What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wear drunk well.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize