I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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