If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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