if i died would you start the facebook group?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you inspire me to be a worse person
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
