I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
