We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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