My hand turned me down
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
