she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
