Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
