You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
