i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
where are my eyebrows?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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